How are Supporting Cashpoint SC, a Prostitute, travelling in Darjeeling, visiting the WC and WAFC all connected?

Featured

How are supporting Cashpoint SC, a Prostitute, travelling in Darjeeling, visiting the WC and WAFC all connected?

images

From the title you may well assume I may have experience of all or some of the above, but I don’t. I just don’t know what’s going on ………..

No. I don’t want any of you to assume I’ve got the experience of a prostitute, that I have ever watched the Austrian club Cashpoint FC or travelled in Darjeeling.  I have watched a bit of Wigan Athletic, although not as much as a lot of you, and I have visited the WC.  The latter, make of it what you will … you’ve already assumed it is the WC and not Wigan Central.

One of the problems with watching my dear Wigan this season is I haven’taclue who anyone is.

imagesimages

It’s a bit like being the new starter I was on 15 August 2007 when Wigan beat Middlesborough 1 – 0. And I still can’t remember who scored, but I think Chris Kirkland may have been in goal and the sun was out.

The guy I sat next to at Coventry reliably told me that from the squad of last season there are only 6 left, and only 2 from last season on the pitch.

2eca04438fa4b9935e7a60b46e6ef73a

The goalkeeper made some stunning saves against Doncaster, and I don’t even mind that for most of the game I thought he was called Donnervon.  Do you really need to know the true name of the ‘escort’ you have employed; isn’t having a great time the most important?

images - Copyjason-donervan

imagesOK, I’m a bore and I’ve never used a prostitute but I assume you can have all the experience in the world and score every time, except during the Coventry and Doncaster games no one scored.  It may not be necessary to know who you are being entertained by but all the same having a very good time is up there with being essential.  However, if it isn’t a success I guess you rarely get a refund.  Already there seem to be some similarities emerging between WAFC and the prostitute.

prostituzione-diritto-umano

Yes, there are look-alikes and name-alikes in the new look Wigan squad. _83125027_david_perkins Deisel Perkins looks just like that engine in mid-field powerhouse – Sir Ben Watson  314318_1and moves like Shaun Maloney.

For a short while I decided to support the Austrian club ‘Cashpoint Point SC’, it just seemed that any team with such a name was crying out for help and support.  SCRA_Stadion_Flugaufnahme_1I knew nothing about them and none of the team.  They lost against Admira.  So what, I knew nothing about them except they have a nice little ground and stadium and cash points, and we are told that like Wigan they have limited and a finite amount of money.images

So there is another similarity between the two.

It does help me that that fella who is able to make those defence splitting slide rule passes down the left flank looks remarkably like a certain Spaniard who took memorable penaltiesGoal! 1 - 0 Wigan and scored a memorable hat trick against Reading on Lord DW’s birthday, I seem to remember he was called Jordi Gomez.images   I think the new fella is called Jordi Reece James and hales from a suburb of Barcelona not far from Bacup.imagesAll of a sudden we have a real Jordi but from Huddersfield and not Newcastle to add to the confusion.chesterfield-2-wigan-athletic-3-jordy-hiwula-celebration-373-2671834_478x359

imagesDarjeeling, like Wigan, is not far from the foothills of some very beautiful mountains and both are in the in the northern areas of their respective countries, with trains passing through.imagesimages

From the Facebook page of Darjeeling FC comes “Team played really well today….its was very entertaining & thrilling 4 – 5 goalfest semi-final against Dali Football Club”.images

Sounds similar to a certain game against either Newcastle United at home, or Chesterfield away.  The difference is that Darjeeling FC lost, and I’ve forgotten about the Spurs and Chelski goalfests.

imagesNow, the WC.  About the only similarity I can find between Wigan FC and the WC is that frequently shit happens in both, and usually by the end of the experience there is a greater sense of relief.  However, if you go to the WC, Wigan Central, that is, pre match, there is only 1 certainty and that is that you‘ll drink beer, just like when you go to WAFC you likely see football. What you are not sure of is what beers they’ll have on, or what kind of football you’ll see.

imagesDSC02650

The thing is watching WAFC this season, with it’s totally new squad and manager is like the prostitute, visiting the WC, supporting Cashpoint FC and travelling in Darjeeling………..I know none of them, I know nothing about what goes on with any of them but all of them probably include an element of surprise, the unknown and hopefully a pleasurable and satisfactory outcome!!  USUALLY!!??

But who is this guy?images

or this chap .images

But the one thing that is consistent is all the enthusiastic mates who still turn up, the beer we drink, 900000002274the chips GetAttachmentwe eat and the blinkin’ good time we have.wiganfans_2847091a1IMG_2368

.

Match Reports. Wigan, oh why Wigan?!! Its an Holistic Experience.

Featured

Match Report.

Why oh why Wigan?  Its an Holistic Experience.

Of course we all have our own reasons for going to watch Wigan Athletic and not Arsenal.  That reason may simply be because 1 sells match day tickets for £97 and the other £17 or it may be because Wigan, as researched by the BBC (who clearly have nothing better to do), sells the cheapest pies.

Featured image

For me – it’s a bit more.  It’s an escape from reality, from the frustrating and illogical world of dimwits like Jeremy Hunt who agrees that it is ok to give MPs a 9% pay rise and Health care workers 1% or nothing.

Featured imageFeatured image

Or is it Mr Bean??

It’s an escape from the everyday humdrum of life to a fairy tale world of expectation and even delusion but sometimes a getaway to a far off land of utopia where the impossible happens, where laughter abounds, where beer is drunk and where interesting and fun people are met.

Featured imageFeatured image

Over time you get to know that small group of people who surround you at the game, you get to catch up with people that you hugged when Boyceeee scored against Aston Villa on Boxing Day.

N.B. ALL CHARACTERS REFERRED TO IN THIS MATCH REPORT ARE ENTIRELY FICTITOUS , ARE A PRODUCT OF MY IMAGINATION AND BEAR NO RESEMBLANCE TO REAL LIFE PEOPLE.  Except of course C Macmamamamanum, Espi  and Boyceeeeeeeeeee

Featured image

Yes, that reminds me.  There I was standing in the concourse at Cardiff before the FA Cup game when Sir Ben scored that screamer of a free kick, to be winked at by a tall blond.  “What are you like”?  She asked.  Unsure what she meant I pursued it a bit further, but sadly, in one sense to no avail.  It was you who said at Villa that “Boyceee was off like a cheetah in the Serengeti”.

Featured image

At times you get to see Callum dance his way around the opposition, confusing everyone and everything around him, including his own legs, but somehow he scores another stunner.

Featured imageFeatured image

Pete, from Stoke is my all time good friend.  We often meet up on the train north.  We have the usual pre and post match analysis, select the team which always includes Roger Espi and then he asks if I post on any message boards.  He discovers my user name.  “Hmmm Ihaventaclue, yeah I’ve seen your postings.  You really do know your stuff”.  Friend for life, and he wasn’t joking!

In the pub for the routine, necessary and superstitious pre match pint of ‘Crack Shot’,  we beat Reading Featured image4 – 0 and ‘Admiral of the Blues’ (before Brentford ,and clearly it did bring on the blues) Featured imagepreceded by mushy peas and chips. Featured image I meet ‘father christmas’ from down south.  His white beard and red hat are a giveaway.  He tells me that this will be Owen Coyle’s last game.  He was right.  I later asked him how he knew; tapping his nose he tells me he has ‘insider information’ but can tell me no more!!  No one else predicted it.

Featured image

Pre match beer is a requirement; dehydration is a well known phenomenon to afflict footballer supporters.

Featured imageFeatured image

Then there are the ones you don’t meet, or not knowingly.  One of my all time favourite past times is laughing.  There is Les Bradds Lad, Jocklatic, Inspector LeeKoo who solves all the issues but is dormant at present, WhoRYa who corrects us all on the rules and occasionally suggests the ref may have got it right and Grumpster amongst others.  All good on-line friends who have graciously abused and politely insulted me in such a way that I can only assume it is a term of endearment.  I mean, after a perfectly sane posting on Wiganer.net I get a reply saying 1 word “LUNATIC” or “Has thee ‘ad a reet good smoke this evening” or “even that’s off theee wall for thee Cloo”?  And Boyceeeunderrated just ignores me.

A stunning performance put in by the boys at Wolves lead to a text from a friend saying simply “Wigan Winning”.  It was said as if it was a kinda novelty.  He of little faith.

Featured image

Usernames are there to maintain anonymity.  Of course they are.  I move along the row to my seat and he points at me….. “Ah, get to your seat ihaventaclue”. I have never either seen or spoken to this guy before.  He refuses to tell me who he is or how he knows that I could be me, even though I may not be.  But he is convinced and he assesses my apparent postings with me every game.

Just along the row, well she wasn’t just along my row until I moved on to hers is Ella.  There was a time when I wanted to write one of these with associations to body parts but I could get no further than Ella, who I would give a virtual pat to every time we scored.  Subtle eh?  Too subtle – pat Ella.  Featured imageThat f ella bit flat.  Anyway, Ella now has an app.  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/technology-29569748  You see, I get a bit hacked off that in those seemingly endless periods when Wigan are slotting in goal after goal and the guys on the pitch get a hug and I don’t.  I tried hugging Ella and although I’m sure she was almost appreciative I’m not sure her Dad was, but I think her friend felt left out.  Oh what it is to live in a world of delusion!!  You can click on Ella anytime now and even down load her on to your hard drive.  You can have her as a screen saver on your laptop and scroll down with your mouse and double click.

I once wanted to go to Bloomfield Road to watch the Zog and Diame score in the sun.  It was sold out.  I put a request on Wiganer.net and what’s more got a response.  My now Doctor friend quietly sits and absorbs it all, stitching together each subsequent pass, feeling the pulse of the game, defining who the pacemaker is, finding it difficult to stomach yet another back pass and being frustrated that the ref, by the end of the game is always running at least 4 minutes late and pressure is rising.  He thinks my match reports are very good for PR.  Featured image I had to have a phone consultation with him before I got my appointment; his main assessment was to ensure I “wasn’t one of those rowdy ones”.  Did he think I was the Drummer Boy??

Usually I now sit with the Doctor, in the relatively quiet area of ES but alongside us are ‘MulletManandhisDad’.  Just along from them is ‘Smiler’ (who is usually ‘Giggler’ – who appears not to mind being hugged).  MM&HD keep a non opinionated and at times almost silent commentary (Yeah Right!!) on the game with infrequent moments of censorship.   They came into their element after the Blackpool game when their keeper, unlike any other keeper – ever – wasted time.  MM&HD reported the keeper to the police for breaking the rules and inciting an infringement of the peace.  Giggler uncontrollably giggled through it all, as she did most of the match Giggling at every pointless pass, missed tackle and useless throw in.  She Giggles so much that I don’t even have to put a joke such as ….. ‘Why does the farmer keep all his cows in separate fields?’ … ‘So they can be seen and not hurd / heard’.  Well, she may Giggle at that!  But maybe not!

Now how is this for enthusiasm and dedication.  He is that keen!!  He also has the uncanny knack of predicting the result.  Starting with 4 – 0, but frequently amending said score, until the last minute and with astute awareness says “think it might be 0 – 0”.  Dumi makes the tortuous trip all the way from Zimbabwe, via Leeds and Birmingham and is soon to become a regular, having slipped into beer, balls and chips with greater ease than Barnett’s aspirations of a pin point Jordi slide rule pass in the first half, west side, north end, 27th minute, but there was just no one there to pick it up.  I have told Dumi, like a Jordi pass, the important thing about watching Wigan is the anticipation.  At least we didn’t let 8 goals in and we didn’t anticipate this clip!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5id_C1hsQYw  Roll on Millwall – ohhh the anticipation!

Samantha, my brother and I have a secret (NOT a threesome).  I met her at an important game in which the away end was sold out.  I’d never met her before and ‘somehow’ I got her tickets in the home end, next to the away end.  OMG!  What a baptism of fire that was.  I hid my true allegiance by wearing an away shirt lent to me by a friend at work.  Then we scored and it ensured another season in the Prem.  Our away friends went a combination or bonkers and bananas and we had to sit there feeling equally as delirious but looking forlorn and fed up as we suffered a tirade of insults, abuse and ‘V’ signs, if only they had known we were one of them they may just have been a bit kinder.  And still only 5 of us know our secret.  And believe me everyone…. it ended there.  Never seen her before or since.

We sat next to the ‘Lawyer’ (who is actually an electrician) for breakfast in our hotel in Bruges.  Then he appeared in Derby, Cardiff, Wigan, Manchester and Maribor.  I’m envious of him.  He went to all three European games, had an adventure on his way to Kazan and now often turns up at DWembley North with his family.  ‘Mr Ohm’ spent most of the game resisting Mrs Ampere’s view on the current state of the game.  Then the clever sod suddenly shouted out to her ‘Einstein would have thought this was all relatively good’.  There was a flash, Shotton short circuited and the Polish ref saw red.  The atmosphere was alive.  On the trip back from Maribor we bumped into him in Zagreb, the birth place of Mr Tesla.  He was clearly attracted to the place!! Boom boom!!

Featured image

For once just nothing seemed to go right at Blackburn, and we didn’t even get a parade by the chicken to lighten our mood.

Featured image

But absolutely best of all and I give most respect to CORNEA-lius with his PUPIL friend.  That amazing blind guy who travels home and away with his trusty radio if the commentary is on, and his friend who gives the commentary if it isn’t on the radio.  His celebrations are only a blink of an eye lid slower than most others.  He falls over the seating in the same way as the rest of us.  I don’t know – he just makes me feel a bit inadequate and very lucky.

Alan, who was good enough to get me some Wembley tickets, just thinks I rabbit on endlessly in a fairly haphazard way with little of any importance to say.  Unlike anyone else the ‘sod’ actually thinks that in terms football skills, knowledge and strategy I am clueless.  I beg to differ but I still think he is a good lad.

I should listen more to those that often give me a lift to the match.  He goes religiously to every match.  She has an uncanny knack of only going to games at which she knows there will be goals and a win, although she did let us down against Leicester away last season, and so did Boyceee who for the first time ever didn’t cover anyone or anything at that corner.  For all the other good he’s done though, he’s forgiven!!  Apparently there will be goals and a win against Fulham.  You heard it first here.  Recently she told me that all my e mails automatically go straight to her junk box.  Friends!!  Huh!!

And what would a game at Wigan be without the CHUNK to lighten the mood and bring a smile to us all.

Featured image

These are just some of the reasons why I go to WAFC.  It’s not just the football, it’s not just the stunning goals, it’s not just the fun and banter; it’s not just the escapism.  It has a lot to do with the great and fun people I don’t really know but bump into most games.  (funny how the Arsenal keeper is so far off his line – GRRRRRRRRR – match fixing again).

Featured imageFeatured image

So, for the time being here endeth the musings, travels Featured imageand travails of a Wigan fan.  Unlike some, I am almost over my alleged and unknown hatred of Bolton, Featured imageand am spurred on by the varying tastes of mashed hops, the optimistic hope of a hug and the ever elusive wish of a goal from the knights that take up armour each week ……… the story will continue!!

Featured image

Where the ‘Match Reports’ have been viewed.  Wigan is a world wide phenomenon!!

Country Views
United Kingdom 2,127
United States 35
New Zealand 18
Australia 15
Canada 14
Brazil 10
Thailand 7
South Africa 5
Spain 4
Germany 4
Iceland 4
Oman 4
Ireland 3
Denmark 3
United Arab Emirates 3
Kenya 3
Malta 1
Mexico 1
Hungary 1
Italy 1
Isle of Man 1
Belgium 1
Bolivia 1
Switzerland 1
Sweden 1
Angola 1

Donald Trump, Wigan Athletic, Fake News or Real news, Let’s take the positives.

Let’s take the Positives.  THERE ARE SOME.

 

Ok, so I’ll agree with you.  We’re not going through our best season.  But we’re not having our worst, I don’t think.  So far, we’ve only had 3 Managers.  It could be worse.  We could still have Vincent Tan breathing down our necks; we could still have Malky denying everything.

images

We may have appeared to flounder against Nottingham Forest, but a few of the lads put in a lot of hard work.  Sam Morsey was so knackered at the end of the game that he couldn’t make his way to the changing room.  Neil Warnock again fearlessly gets in the way of any cannon ball shot that comes his way, suffers concussion and carries on, McDonald is everywhere and Dan Burn, well if you love Dan Burn stand up.  The New ‘Keepers Save Penalties’ and also do good saves and are assured with catching.  The link below shows a Wigan ‘keeper at his mighty best.

https://twitter.com/ItsSoccerVines/status/839321080233873408/video/1

But we must eliminate the negative; rumour had it that DW recently met up with a certain Donald Trump.  The latter suggested that if DW renamed the DW to the “blue and WHITEHOUSE, UK”, DT would arrange it that we’d get out of the mire.  Neither Mary nor Pat were obliging.  DW suffered the DTs.

white-house-blue-for-prostate-cancer-800x548

It’s already painted for us.

A wall is to be built in front of our goal and there will be only one way for them to break our defence.

We did actually play very well against Derby! And we had a lot of fun at Burton.

You’ve got to accentuate the positive
eliminate the negative
Latch on to the affirmative
But don’t mess with mister inbetween

You’ve got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
have faith, a pandemonium
Libel to walk up on the scene

To illustrate my last remark
Jonah in the Whale, Noah in the ark
What did they do
just when everything looked so dark

They said we better
accentuate the positive
eliminate the negative
latch on to the affirmative
But don’t mess with mister inbetween

We once won a cup.

images

FAKE NEWS V REAL NEWS – or just alternative facts – you decide.

There has been a lot in the news recently about either fake news or not.  Football is knee deep in it.

  1. Old Trafford, or Odd Trafford is nick-named ‘Theatre of Dreams’, and that is because it is quiet enough to fall asleep in.
  2. 3613756_orig slleper
  3. DW is the next President Elect; POTUS.
  4. Sharpie has solved the pitch problems.
  5. DSC06168DSC04341
  6. I always have high hopes

Next time your found, with your chin on the ground
Theres a lot to be learned, so look around

Just what makes that little old ant
Think he’ll move that rubber tree plant
Anyone knows an ant, can’t
Move a rubber tree plant

But he’s got high hopes, he’s got high hopes
He’s got high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your gettin’ low
‘Stead of lettin’ go
Just remember that ant
Oops there goes another rubber tree plant

When troubles call, and your back’s to the wall
There a lot to be learned, that wall could fall

Once there was a silly old ram
Thought he’d punch a hole in a dam
No one could make that ram, scram
He kept buttin’ that dam

‘Cause he had high hopes, he had high hopes
He had high apple pie, in the sky hopes

So any time your feelin’ bad
‘stead of feelin’ sad
Just remember that ram
Oops there goes a billion kilowatt dam

 

  1. We will, by the skin of our teeth stay up, we’ve still got high hopes.
  2. Rooney is a class player
  3. article-1361014-0D60A00A000005DC-306_306x423where is the ball?1398013257360_lc_galleryImage_EROTEME_CO_UK_If_bylined_
  4. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-1361112/Manchester-Uniteds-Wayne-Roney-face-ban-elbow-Wigan-Athletic.html
  5. I’m always ALWAYS worried
  6. download (1)  
  7. Great hat.  Can he really help you enjoy the match?
  8. DSC06566 (3)
  9. Fen-tan-nyl, the opiate pain killer used pre match by at least 1 person is almost as good as ten-to-nil when watching Wigan!  But it never happens.
  10. The catering department have got something to ensure you’ll never miss another Wigan goal.
  11. 16387987_1271078932948343_6780205795577847117_n
  12. Boyceeee will be out new Manager with Lucy, BoyceeWifey as his Assistant.boyce wi

So, there we have it folks ……. real of fake news, alternative facts and Donald Trump’s influence on WAFC; UP the MIGHTY ‘TICS!

 

FACT.

Having been to Wembley with Wigan I thought I’d go to the Ajax stadium so I’m cycling to Amsterdam from Wigan with www.latics2amsterdam.co.uk raising money for Prostate Cancer charities and research.

If you’d like to sponsor me you could easily, as easy as Wigan winning Division 1, pop along to my ‘Just Giving Page and most men and a lot of women will be very grateful.

http://www.justgiving.com/owner-email/pleasesponsor/Richard-Le-Mare1

 

cyclist2

LATICITUS – A RARE MEDICAL SYNDROME ASSOCIATED WITH SUPPORTING WIGAN ATHLETIC fc.

Gallery

This gallery contains 19 photos.

LATICITUS: Symptoms, and is it curable? (Never before published in the Wigan Journal of Sports medicine). Severe, acute and chronic Medical conditions associated with supporting WAFC.  -itis (suffix denoting diseases characterized by inflammation, itself often caused by an infection) Some … Continue reading

Songs make football, not least something about someone’s defence being terrified – An INFERNO looms. Review: Preview: Inter-season.

Image

THE INTER SEASON INFERNO.  WIGAN AT THE EUROS 2016.

The season dribbled to close with almost the same fizzle that it started with.  Some of us, especially those who were unable to get tickets for the penultimate celebration to help fill the 3000 empty seats at Blackpool were a tad fed up.  Those of us who missed that week-long celebration were hoping to crown the season with a resounding victory against Barnsley.  We saw the season do a full circle.  A sunny afternoon, a feeling of relief and optimism was finished off with a 1 – 4 hammering and McCann getting sent off.  It seemed as if we were back at Coventry.  Except this time the big difference was that Wigan were at the top of the table; in Coventry we were at the bottom.  And Will Grigg was on FIRE.

It was a great achievement to be the only team in the league to move from rock bottom to sky high tops.  Zero points to nearly the promised 100 and a clear indication that we’d taken the league by storm.

I’m waiting to hear ‘Sharpy’s’ prediction for this season.  With Nick Powell back, Yanic to his side and that fella who doesn’t need an extinguisher with them both I suspect Sharpie thinks we will be a towering inferno, sweeping through the league like an Australian forest fire.

But really, I mean really, we have to have a quick reflection on last season. I think I only have to mention Swindon, Chesterfield, Shrewsbury, Walsall and Blackpool and nothing more needs to be said.  You all know what comes next and you all have your own wonderful memories of those days out.  For definite, Time Peake in the space station would never have experienced such an atmosphere as that.

But there was still one big disappointment of the season for us all.  Perkins never scored.  I feel let down and want a refund on my season ticket, which I’m getting for the first time this year.

And there was the half time challenge where goal shoot replaced cross bar challenge. An altogether better bit of entertainment  where we saw people being sprayed by the half time deluge ordered by Gary to make the opposition slip at every nutmeg, we saw hopeful signed shirt aspirants falling A over T, and some buffoon who hobbled on with a walking stick and celebrated his penalty with no keeper doing the Max Power dance.

Wigan v Bury 27 Feb 2016 (16) Wigan v Bury 27 Feb 2016 (11) Wigan v Bury 27 Feb 2016 (14)

All good fun.

After all the Wigan street parties had quietened down, the like of which haven’t been seen since Princess Di got married, we all wondered what we’d do next.  And if Perkins had scored in the last game, those street parties would have gone on all summer, and we may have missed out on a dreary Euro 2016; oh Perks, why didn’t you score?

But the dreary Euro 2016 came and thankfully went.  All teams other Wales, Iceland and Albania were coached by a Mr J Moriniho, who gave a stunning display of parking the coaches.  Wales, Iceland and Albania were, I have it on good authority, coached by an unknown Mr Caldwellsson and a part time Icelandic dentist.  First of all he told them to forget about football but to concentrate on getting to know each other, then he played some team building games, then he thought about football and then he said…. go and have fun.  Watching those 3 teams simply brought memories of last season flooding back, with goal after goal resembling Griggsson goal against Shrewsbury, Macalenysson’s  goal against Walsall, Leonssson’s goal against Chesterfield (not the own goal) and best of all was a perfect copy of THAT goal Sir Ben scored.  Sign the Icelanders, Gary!

I know for a fact that these 3 teams had every one of Wigan’s games on video.  We are that good.  Clearly Portugal had a peep at the Wigan video simply to realise ‘who needs Ronaldo when Eder can score like Oh Yanicsson Wildschutsson at Walsall’.  Just a shame he didn’t score with an ‘eder.  I was however, surprised not see any post it notes being used.

But before we move away from the dreary Euro’s tell me, what on earth do those guys who stand on the goal line do, apart from nothing and get the best posy in the house.  They don’t even get a flag to wave.

Most impressive though was the Icelandic fans who had developed Wigan’s oooh aaah chant when we get a corner, to something very similar but with an above head clap.  Our influence goes from the pitch up into the stands.

We saw the usual brilliant reffing from Mark Clatterberg, something we have always enjoyed or endured at the DW.  He couldn’t even decide which hand touched the ball in the final in the penalty area despite both being very different colours.  Match fixing is alive and well at the Stade as well as the DW.

Its all in the build up, and in true Wigan style we never want to peak too soon.

So now we move onto the new season.  We were pleased to hear that a friend of Coyle, Knoyle had joined.  He was on the verge of foyleing the opposition but has already got injured without even getting on the boyle and kicking a ball.  I’d been hoping for a bit more Loylty after a season of toyling hard, but it is going to take a woyle now.  I was expecting him to poyle in the goals, and begoyle the opposition.  But it doesn’t look as if it’ll happen.  Neil Warnock has been on the botox and still plays amazingly for his advanced years, so good in fact he’s been signed.  Like the rest of us, who love Sharpie and Gary so much, Nick Powell and Ryan Taylor are knocking on the door and Emlyn Hughes has promised that his allegiance is with THE MIGHTY ‘TICS!!  Some (well, maybe one of us) of us would love my MOM FA Cup Finalist Roger Roger back, as well as ‘Jordi scores when he wants’……….. We’ll live in hope; and hope for another meteoric rise up the table, starting about December, remember it’s all in the build-up and we never like to peak too soon.

Pre –season has started with a game against Liverpool….. It was a gorgeous afternoon with hot sun shining. A Liverpool lad decided to have a swim in the canal. So we got off to a good start.  The Wigan Central had a good a mixture of a good prognosis for the season.  It is all going to be either:

seamless         OR a typical cliffhanger

There was an outrageous number of police plus horses, which bearing in mind it was a friendly it looked as if they were expecting WW3 to start.  I worry that Greater Manchester police will have not enough law enforcers for a match day.

It was not far off a sell-out. About 20,000 – a good deal more than match day last season.

Both managers had clearly told everyone not to either injure themselves or the opposition. Klop had told the ref that Liverpool needed to practice their free kicks, so Wigan were penalised for every tackle.

The 1st team attackers were played on Saturday v Manure. The Liverpool game was set up to give our defence a chance to defend in the box, and not give away penalties, which on the whole they did pretty well. Wigan enjoyed the help of our 12th player on the pitch, the cross bar.

The second goal was a tad unfair …. rotten tactics meant that smoke bombs, or e cigs, came in, the fog was so thick that poor young Nicholls couldn’t see the ball – the fog was so thick.

Yanic had some great Yanic type runs which I didn’t like to see, because if I thought they were good, then I’m sure Prem Managers will have liked it – and before 1st Sept he’ll be on his way.

Last season Gary told us he had ‘an idea’, and he saved it ’til Christmas.  A new trailer load of ‘post-it’ notes have been ordered.  We learnt that bringing on subs is a rubbish idea.  Within 3o seconds of Davies coming on – Liverpool had scored.

It was a nice relaxing and fun afternoon which gave us a good chance to play against a team who were good at keeping possession, quick with the ball and doing some nice intricate passing. I’m sure Gary will now be asking his son what to do in training this week. No one made a mess of things, and everyone seemed to make a good effort considering it was a friendly. I didn’t leave feeling full of gloom….. so the omens are good.

And now we head off for Bristol on Aug 8  with cracking memories of last season which helped to paste over the disaster of the previous season.  So, off we go optimistically in to a season in THE CHAMPIONSHIP.  Remember, as we are reminded before kick-off every home game …. the song ‘every little thing’s going to be alright, don’t worry about a thing, ‘cos every little thing is going to be alright’.

***********************************************************************

And whilst you are hear….. I’m going to run the Wigan 10 km on September 4th.  It’s in aid of WIGAN ATHLETIC COMMUNITY TRUST …… If you fancy sponsoring me you can easily go to my ‘Just Giving’ page and pledge as much as you feel able.  I think you go to ‘Just Giving’ and search for ‘IhaventaclueRichard’ or:                  https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/IhaventaclueRichard

rich run (3)

I’ll be at Wigan Central after the run, and if you make yourself known to me as a kind generous person …… I’ll buy you a drink.

Thanks.

 

 

Wigan Athletic – The Movie ……

Are we glad DW didn’t say he’d wear just his boxers for a season?
Wigan v Leicester. There’s a good film in the making…………..

We all know that ‘the other’ Gary (Lineker) said that if Leicester won the Premiership he’d present MOTD in his boxers. It’s not the greatest evening entertainment and Gary in his boxers is unlikely to add to it.

Image result for boxer shorts for men

I’m glad that Sharpie didn’t say he’d only wear his briefs if we got promoted this season, and that DW would parade in his Jock strap (the one in which he broke his leg; remember that?) if Wigan stayed in the Prem for more than 1 season and that he didn’t ask Mrs DW to sit next to him in her Barbadian bikini if we won the cup.

bikini woman                                                               jock s
Leicester have done well. No one can deny that. When you’ve worked out a game plan, developed a strategy and then play as a team, who needs so called ‘stars’ like Rooney and the thug from Chelski.

costa                                            rooney
So Leicester were in the Prem for 1 season and looked to Wigan for inspiration to see how you avoid the drop with only 5 games to go. Then they stayed up thanks to some hints from Roberto and then carried on to stay at the top of the Prem since about the 5th game for the season. Everyone is amazed, a film with Robert De Niro playing Ranieri and Tom Cruise playing Vardy is being planned. On a small budget it is a remarkable achievement.
But tell me, after a ‘skin of their teeth’ escape and a season at the top why is everyone going on about it so much, and yet no one has mentioned the amazing achievements of WAFC.

Despite winning the FA Cup no one has said a film should be made with Danny De Vito playing Roberto.

de vito                                     roberto

Despite having the smallest ground at the time, and smallest fan base and smallest budget no one has said Julie Walters should play Brenda. Despite being in the Prem for 8 years, yes, with some exciting great escapes, no one has said that Sean Connery should play Dave Whelan. Despite scoring a goal that always comes up as one of the FA Cup ‘greats’ no one has suggested Ben Watson should play Ben Watson or Michael B Jordan should play Boyceeeeeeeeeee for being so great with Joseph. No one has suggested that Ben Kingsley should play Uwe for getting us to the Championship play – offs and FA Cup semi-final in the same season. Least of all no one has suggested that Tom Hardy should play Will Grigg for being the top scorer in the league or that Jake Gyllenhaal should play Gary Caldwell for getting us out of the first division on the first attempt with a completely new team. Most of all no one has suggested Anna Paquin should play Becky, because she is simply the best at ‘front of house’ reception.  Yanic would be played by a cheetah.

2011 Summer TCA Tour - Day 2  connery  hardy jordan  kingsley  gyllenm  Cheetah_run
We haven’t seen any significant and ‘stand out’ fans with Leicester have we? But Wigan has it’s stars in the terraces. Chunk will play himself. There are those who, despite illness, still turn up to every game possible and monitor all progress of every game from where ever they are in the World on The Latics Wall, with ‘Nick’. The Doctor will be played by Keifer Sutherland and Nick, host of the Latics ‘International Wall’ by Bill Neighy.

keifer  article-2616281-1D74F05500000578-577_634x363

Negotiations are already under way with Ken Loach, Mike Leigh and Stephen Speilberg.
Surely there are greater reasons for us all to wear our boxers than for ‘the other’ Gary (Lineker) to do so.

speilb

Are our achievements not greater than Leicester’s? They’ve got another 7 years to prove themselves before you’ll see my boxers because of them. We’ve got a bloody good film ahead of us.

BY6CZW-IQAAlEpA  2012-04-11-002  Goal! 1 - 0 Wigan (1)2

But I do hope they win the prem, and I do wish someone other than me, like the other Gary, would compare their achievements to ours …… and see that the mighty Wigan have done blinkin’ well. Will Gary mention us in his boxers on MOTD??

And why will this have mass appeal?  Because we know from match day ‘Latics Wall’ there are regular contributors from NZ, Darwen in Australia, Malta, Hong Kong, Iceland, Norway, Patterdale, Seville, Croatia, Canada, USA and possibly Bermuda.

map

(Shall we all wear boxers for the Barnsley, or the first game of next season)?

Ahh The Memories; Those ‘Moments’…… DWs of the world.

Those ‘Memorable Moments’……… DWs of the world.

???????????????????????????????

WIGAN ON THE MOVE TO BRUGHES.

There are moments in life that just stand out.  That night I drove 108.5 miles (thanks AA route planner) in driving delugenous rain, with a steadily increasing wind to catch the coach to Blackburn.  It was a memorable night, and even if the rival fans didn’t want to cause problems, which it seemed they didn’t, the police appeared to want a fight.  But I digress, the evening haul had something to do with football.  But amongst that, there we were perched in that tin shed in the sky, which by half time resembled a slash trough at the back of The Gate pub.  The stench was getting worse than that at Biwani Junction in a heat wave.  But I digress, we were there for the football.  The rain was as heavy as the monsoon in Darjeeling, and then the obligatory flare went off.  Actually not only was I fearing asphyxiation but I was also unable to see the slick passing of the boys on the not so perfect conditions.  The steward tried to get us all to evacuate, 2 of us did, but then quickly got back onto the terraces on the lower level.  The corner was awarded, the kick taken, Alcaraz started his run from our goal line and by the time he’d reached the penalty box the ball had arrived, the 2 collided and ‘we were staying up’, but sadly Blackburn were ……….. Ahh the memories …. And the police were still looking to fight even once the game was over.

DSC03695 (2)

DW Madagascar.  Directors box in the distance.

Sometimes you just have to live with your regrets in life.  I was asked if I wanted to make the evening traipse up the M6 for THE Man United game.  To be honest … there was no point, he of little faith, could see no point in another 4 hours motorway driving, getting home at 01.30 only to get up 5 hours later to go to work, wondering why I had put myself in to another time of disappointment and humiliation.  Avoid it if you can, my therapist tells me.  She has since been sacked.  All I got was several texts from my mate, and a photo of the score board.  I have to live with that and it has damaged me, like the dent in the side of your Maserati.

2015-02-14 23.01.05

Euxton training ground, Madagascar.  Pre-played by Wigan warriors.

Wasall the fuss about?  I’ll tell you was all the fuss was about ……. We should have been 3 – 0 up at half time and at full time we were 1 – 1, and nail biting, AGAIN!  It was beginning to look as if we fans are a waste of time.  We were singing our hearts out.  “Oh Yanic Wildshoooot” echoed around the ground like the Kiwis were doing the Haka.  Eventually he shot, it went in and as the commentator said “the fans are going bonkers”; I thought we were back behind the goal at DW South – aka Wembley.  The exuberance was greater than that when I won an Olympic gold medal (except I never have).  The guy behind me was gone quicker than Tim Peakes rocket as he crowd surfed …. And blimey there he was on the pitch being escorted to the nearest van.

DSC04525

DW Darjeeling

It’s an Old’am, but a good ‘un.  One of the reason I go to watch Wigan is the crackin’ good atmosphere we are getting.  Sometimes it makes up for the result, for me, the best so far this season has to be Oldham away where Drummer Boy, like Ginger Baker kept the rhythm for 90 minutes of Depeche Mode ‘I just can’t get enough’.  Just like David Bowie and Nat King Cole ….unforgettable.

DSC04341

Springfield Road, Darjeeling.

Just in case any of you missed it, I thought I‘d just take the chance to mention that Oldham at home and a new pitch was laid specially for me as it was my birthday.  The goal shoot didn’t happen but there was an announcement on the PA for about 15 minutes of half time.   There I was sitting drinking beer in a pub in Walsall and this lad comes up and says, “it were yer birthday last week, wannit”?  How he knew, I don’t know.  I’d tried to keep it low key and quiet, like the plane that flew over the DW before the West Ham game.  Subtle.

DSC00256

Rigolettos Entebbe, Uganda.

We’d spent near on 2 seasons watching variations Coyle-esque  keep it in the air header volleyhoofball when suddenly Gary was announced, who is now the 43rd  longest serving Manager in the whole of the football league and possibly the youngest.  Fulham away was his first game.   His announcement was met with derision and scepticism.  He’d been written off before the team had kicked a ball.  He missed THE penalty (but I reckon rightly took it), he was slow, he’d been injured, he gave the ball away to a Swansea attacker and he’d never managed.  There was no hope and he was clueless, and what’s more he let Boyceee go to Blackpool.  Allegedly.  (He did score an insignificant goal that seems to have been forgotten about – at THE KOP).  But we sang ‘We’re better than viagara, we are staying up’, and Gary had transformed the boys on the pitch into something that resembled football, where for the first time in months we saw 3 consecutive passes, and most of the team looking like they wanted to win.

DSC01360

Bloomfield Road; Kerala.

Yes, after that cycle ride to Bloomfield Road I was a bit dehydrated, and I hallucinated as I came around the corner and saw the Eiffel Tower.  I was looking forward to the game against PSG but expected their pitch to be more than a donkey paddock,  but I love that wooden stand we are all put in.  Crikey you can crank up the decibels to an ear drum popping level, add that to 90 songs in 90 minutes and then there is an afternoon that will give memories lasting as long as the first holiday you went on with your first new boy or girlfriend.  Trepidation, excitement, jubilation and memorable thrills.  It’s all just like watching Wigan.  I borrowed an unknown guys season ticket, and in my interview for it, sterner than going for a job as a Consultant Neuro-surgeon, I was asked if ‘I was 1 of the rowdy ones’, I passed the interview and 6 years later still go to matches with him.

DSC03068

DW Kitale Uganda

We will all have our ‘last but not leasts’ ……. And for me 2 Stoke away games leap almost higher than Hugo’s jump to put THE goal of the season away.  I was in with the Stoke fans and unable to celebrate.  We were all berating the Ref, like we always have to do, because the refs hate us, and suddenly the ball was in the net.  Figs was the opportunist we all like.  But you’ll all have your memories, and I have stacks more.

wiganfans_2847091a1???????????????????????????????A chicken walks across the pitch during the Barclays Premier League match between Blackburn Rovers and Wigan AthleticimagesDSC02476BY6CZW-IQAAlEpA

But why do we go?  It’s the memories.  It’s the elation that you remember and the fed-up-ness you forget.  It’s the Chesterfield away game of those last 3 goals in almost as many minutes.  It’s not just the football, it’s the fun and craic and banter and the laughs you have with those that are around you, and the Saturday afternoon friends you meet up with.  It’s the removal from the reality of the real world, just for 90 minutes, 90 precious distracting minutes.  Even when I can’t get to the game I get involved in 90 minutes of posting on ‘LATICS WALL’, I am now known as the ‘Gap Filler’, providing comments to Nick on The Wall.

And I reckon it is the same all over the world.

images

Wigan FC Juniors Darjeeling 

Who have we got, Who have we had? Oh the Memories!! ……But where to know?

Image

WHO HAVE WE GOT, WHO WE HAVE HAD.  AHH THE MEMORIES!!

Ok, so we are going through a slightly wobbly patch, a short spell of turbulence (‘short’ is a subjective judgement), it seems like bloody eternity to me.

Things are just not feeling too good at present, so I thought I’d try to lift my mood recalling some memorable moments from the past 7 years of being a Wigan supporter.  Things like Sir Ben’s curling free kick at Cardiff.  I’ve forgotten the Swansea game.

I drove up the M6 for 3 hours on a wet windy night to then get the coach to Blackburn.  I felt kinda confident as in goal was ‘A Halal Ibis’, a trusted and well worn keeper that has only made a couple of bloopers. Ali Al Habsi voted Player of The FA Cup Fourth Round

I wont remind you of the other wet night at the DW against Reading when ‘Mid Zero Jog’ scored a hat trick for ‘Wish Van Dealer’ as a birthday present.  Anyway I digress.   ‘Zonal At Cranial’ ran from his full back position and as the corner came across the goal his cranium collided with the ball.  Heading for survival: Antolin Alcaraz (blue front) nodded Wigan into the lead three minutes from time

After the attempt of our own supporters trying to smoke us out in the tin urinal shed in the sky it was a most memorable goal.  It is for all these kind of memories that I do it; I drive for 6 hours on a wet and cold Monday evening, I’ll sit on a train for 4 hours and I’ll spend good hard earnt cash … to have fun.  And as for Venky’s poor little chicken.  Ahhhhhh shame!

Pitch invader: A chicken was released in protest against Blackburn owners, Venky's

It was that night that Wigan secured another season in the Prem, much to the disappointment of the FA, and Blackburn went to where we’d join them later.  Now I go to the ‘Swan and Station’ before the Huddersfield game and have a pint of ‘Single Hop’ hoping that that is all it will take.  It took a fluke goal and the worst reffing at the DW in 7 years to make us fed up again.  How many times does there have to be a hand ball in the penalty area before a penalty is given?  Four isn’t enough!

It was one of our first games in the Championship, at Leicester, where the sun was out, the t shirts on and the optimism was high that our visit to the lower league was transitory.  Mr Rent Robotize had left us, with the amazing glory of the FA Cup and Championship football.  Never mind, we were in the trusty hands of ‘Wee Colony’ who had proved his worth at Burnley.  After a typically shakey Wigan start we began to dominate, but they got a corner.  ‘Be Coy’ left his man who prowled in behind him, got higher than everyone else and a giraffe and powered in a header from the corner.  It was a nice day, but from there on it was downhill all the way.  Literally and metaphorically.

I was worried when it looked as if ‘Am Sir’ was going to leave us for West Brom.  Fortunately for us he failed his medical and now shelters ‘Scar On’ from the all to frequent ventures of the opposition into our penalty box.  Along with who I think is a class act ‘Sir Am’ we rely on ‘Bra tent’ to round up the oncoming attack and push the ball forward.  But ‘Sir Am’ let us down at Blackburn and belted that penalty into orbit.  Air traffic control at Manchester still hasn’t seen it on their radar.

What of the future?  So many good players have left.  I really liked ‘One Zips A’ ball in from anywhere, but he’s gone after not having been used enough.  For me, although Callum was good, Zap Noise was Man of the Match in the FA Cup Final.  It all went wonky when he cut his hair!

Roger Espinoza and his Wigan squad topped Manchester City to win the 2013 FA Cup.

‘A Humanely Son’ put his left foot in, put his right foot out and so it went on.  He never got used enough and so he went on to colder but no doubt more lucrative climes.  After years of corners going everywhere but the six yard box, sometimes even Billinge, ‘Many Ole’ started getting them where they should go, and in May 2013 he got it exactly where it should have gone, with a little help from his friend ‘Sat Won’; it was a Saturday and we WON!!  http://www.wiganlatics.co.uk/news/article/ben-watson-message-goodbye-wigan-athletic-fans-2224868.aspx

And as for ‘Honey Manuals’ goal against Manure … it was sweet!! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4pypCgKOiT8

So where to now?  We’ve also lost ‘Mr Ed Zoo (who just) Jigs’ around.  But he put some class passes in, and now he plies his trade in the North east.

Making up for all the ground that used to be covered by the ‘old boys’ we now have ‘ME Cancel Jams’, and hec! Once he’s got a head of steam up he’s off, cancelling all potential jams of every sort in his way!  The season is more than half way through and he is the top scorer with 5 goals.  More to come now that he is playing as an outright attacker!

At last! After months of a single striker we now have ‘A Lady Rodent’, 

 

A Containment Furore’ and ‘Mr Grant Anyhow’ looking more of a threat as the season goes on.  There is hope.

Is there hope?  I now hear ‘Calm Clam Am Man Nun’ is pushing off to pastures new.  Thanks for your weaving, ducking, diving, dancing and hmmmmmm dodgy tackles. 

But in his place we now have Danish International ‘Villa Swim Kit’ who is going to easily make up for the recent losses.  MOM for both Blackburn and Huddersfield games.  And whilst he hasn’t yet scored like he did against ManCity a year ago, ‘Mr Cash Jeep’ and ‘Bra Tent’ are making the defence tighter and less leaky by the game feeding some great balls up to ‘Mr Cinch Cans’.

And what’s more Wigan are in that select group of teams who have been on a European Tour, the evidence is there, in a small cafe attached to the end of some ones house in a remote village about 20 miles north of Maribor.DSC02596  There in its glory is a Wigan scarf next door to the signed shirt of local boy.  Rene Krhin (born 21 May 1990) is a Slovenian footballer, who plays for Serie A club Internazionale. He is a current Slovenia international.  He played or Inter Milan.  Rene Krhin - Inter Mailand (1).jpgAnd if you don’t believe me  … a photo may follow when I find it, or you could go and see for yourself!!          SEE There it is!!                                     View Full Size Image

I’ll still keep going; I enjoy the fun and craic I get involved in around my friends in East Stand; I love my treat of mushy peas and chips and I enjoy trying to encourage a win by drinking appropriately named beer.  Every game I wear the same ‘lucky’ clothes but I think I’ll need a new wardrobe soon.  And let’s not forget the MIDWIFE!!

img005

Show Mans Tipple. Match reports for first 4 games.

SHOWMANS TIPPLE.

(An infrequent blog (a blog is a discussion or informational site published on the World Wide Web and consisting of discrete entries (“posts”) of the travails of a Wigan supporter, often inspired by the names of the local beer.

The first match of the season. We have always made easy work of Reading. Last season saw us come so close to an instant re-entry to the pretentiousPrem where you can’t now take mobile phones with you to record goals. And we are already being tipped to be up there in the running again this season. How the pundits know that, only they know, but after the first game of the season … Blackburn v Cardiff the learned Kevin Kilbane said

“It is difficult to call how the season could go for these sides after the first game”.

Astute eh? And he’s paid more than I am!

It started with Geoff asking me how’s your Summerbee-n? After a short chat he asked Watson for you this weekend?

Well, it was another trip north to the hallowed turf of the DW North Stadium; Mrs Cloo (aka Samantha), simply said H-ugo, if you want.

It started at the Swan and Station. Football is surrounded in superstition and sometimes when I go there before a match, we win. So it is worth another try.

The beer, a gentle and light beer with the lingering flavours of Himalayan balsam and a hint of the waters of the Wigan canal with a super market trolley for body slithered down a treat, just how I expected the brace of goals we were going to slide past Reading. Despite Ali not being in goal, the Omans were good…. the sun was out despite the forecast of rain, the wind was light and the crowd was gathering. I kid you not, the beer was called ‘Showman’s Tipple’. Clearly we were in for a treat.

With eager anticipation we were Perched on the edge of our seats only pleased that Bramble had left so there was no chance of him getting snarled up and tangled with anyone unnecessarily.

Callum macmanmaumumnaumum (I’m sure I’ve spelt that wrong) having spent pre-season at Brenda’s school of dancing, danced and jinxed his way down the wing confusing and frustrating everyone including Zabaletta (does anyone know what did he said when he got sent off)?

This season I have decided to make a note of the various pre-match beers I drink, it also allows me to visit a range of very different Palacios to drink the amber nectar.

By the second half the Best seemed to be over, and it sure did look as if it wasn’t only me who had enjoyed some pre match Showmans Tipple. My guess is that the whole team except Kyphotic McArthur, who was on fire, even up to the last minute, had enjoyed some. Along with the players half the crowd decided to have a Espisnooza.

In fact I was so fed up I even though of going along to the Wigan Pier and seeing if I could go for a CRUS-AT the boat yard. It was so nice and sunny, I decided to buy an ice cream in a Kone and hope it didn’t Melchiot.

What I do know is that FORSHAW there needs to be a bit of WHELAN and dealin’ in the next 10 days to get the problem sorted, we were left by our previous manager Owening us a lot.

I got on the train, not only frustrated by the result but also because I had only just realised that I’d left Za .. ki in my Mrs Cloo’s car and I was going to struggle to get in when I got home. Initially I was also pretty hacked off that I had forgotten my CAMARA, but to be honest I now don’t give a shi-it-u, no one played very Cleverly.

I am wondering whether I may give up Wigan and go up to Scotland instead for a bit of Sammon fishing, but only because Valencia is too far away.

Cardiff and Charlton happened … with texts from Jonathan saying it was ‘heart-breaking’ with a last minute deflection. I only wish I hadn’t gone to Wetherspoons and had a pint of ‘Battle of Burton Bridge’. A nice successful feeling drink but it had a late kick to it, and I woke up with a rotten headache.  There just seemed to be a little bit rAmis with the team for both of those games.

But of Carson, like all Wigan fans we keep the faith for another day …..

Blackpool, well that is another story. The half of ‘Silver Trophy’ had to be ordered to remind everyone of Wigan’s SILVER TROPHY, as if we need reminding. It had a real sparkle and fresh zing to it. Whilst we only won 1 – 0, it was a moral victory of 7 – 0, and even though the BBC said we only had 2 shots we know they hate us and hate reporting the true facts as much as they hate reporting the true facts about the pummelling of Gaza by Israel. We had shots on target with the same frequency of certain air strikes! The ‘Savannah’ beer only helped demonstrate the drought of goals which we were to see for the next 90 minutes. A dry beer with a frustrating lack of finish.

All in all the half of ‘Hop a Doodle Doo’ seemed a fruity way to finish another exhausting edge of the seat, nail biting afternoon at Wigan. It has a certain springy optimistic immediate taste, but just lacks a successful finish, but all the same it is quite satisfying.

Amos say I Garcia a good win next week against Birmingham as (c)Aldswell now in the squad.

It does look as if we’ve spent less than a Fyvie on getting new players during the summer. Maybe Mr Jackson should apply for a Grant from somewhere to put a Holt to our lack of fire Powerll, but I do think there will have to be a bit of serious Rangelling for some new guys. But really we will take anyone who can have a good Shotton goal as we don’t want to spend a Fortune on another Duffy(er).

So, this blog is closing; I’m Peter-ing out, I can think of no Moore and above all, even if you aren’t Strachan down with uncontrollable laughter – I am! Iv-another idea for the next musings, so to finish, I’ll just say I really hope, in terms of promotion, we can Pollitt off this season.

So, folks, I hope you’ve found the match report for the first 3 games just a Liddell bit of interest. I’m even more knackered than Boyceeeeee, so off for an Espisnooza now. Don’t Molaney about my efforts – if you can do better – do it yourself!!
(I’m going to have to organize a Filan system for my blogs).

Oh, and if you feel so inclined please sign the petition:

http://www.avaaz.org/en/petition/UEFA_FIFA_The_FA_Helen_Grant_Minister_for_Sport_ad_Tourism_Stop_Israel_taking_part_in_UEFA_2016_football_competition/edit/

Have a look – its self explanatory.

Credits and acknowledgements to Carl and Dave – both of whom are as anonymous as I am.

FA CUP SEMI FINAL ARSENAL PREVIEW. My Dad and his new car

Arsenal Preview. My Dad and his car.

My inspirationally youthful 93 year old Dad has just bought a new car.  So what? You may well ask.  And as predictable as ever Grumpster will say ‘ok then, so what’?

wiganfans_2847091aEnd of Citeh game celebrations.  “We beat Man Citeh with a Jordi goal”

It’s a funny old game, innit? We can play Man City off the Etihad park one week and beat Leeds in a scrap another. We can be winning against Leicester and Yeovil until the 88th minute and then let them equalise.  And then we have to play Arsenal at the home of English Football – the DW Stadium, London.  The DW Stadium London, is named after a certain little pie eating town in the north-west, a football team with no significant supporters and an insignificant old codger who apparently once broke his leg.  The Dave Wembley Stadium, PO Box 1966.   The box number is clearly in honour of the World Cup win in 1966, but rumour has it that Mr Whelan has applied to change the PO Box number to 2013 in memory of another rather spectacular victory in which no goals were disputed.

DSC01779 whelan

“We beat Man Citeh with a Watson goal”  And a crackin’ good goal it was to – placed and timed to perfection.

wembley board

Wigan has always been renowned all over the world for their friendliness, and being disliked by the British media.  Despite that, we still beat them fair and square despite the world telling us that Citeh never want to win against us.

stripes

So, we are on that familiar journey down the M6 and probably not the West Coast Line because the FA, in their wisdom and their need to get football to the ‘grass roots’ has scheduled the game so that it finishes after the last train to Wigan departs and children should be in bed.

Already Uwe is planning another tactical master class.  The secret is to confuse the Arsenal scouts by playing appallingly against Leeds; substituting the stars of the day so the game ended in an unconvincing win; playing Coylesque-Pulislike hoof ball at Bolton to secure an undeserved draw; and playing a team of game winning reserves against Millbrawl.  Even I am not going to reveal what will happen against Arsenal at the London DW – but I know.  Roberto used the same strategy pre FA Cup Final …. even though you’d prefer to forget it – do you remember the Swansea at home game?  That was all part of the plan.

UW playeruwe rosler

 

Ahhhh, I was going to tell you about my Dad’s car.  It’s astonishing really because even though he knows little about football he did record the FA Cup Final for me.

Unlike Arsenal, Wigan has a hard core of players who are familiar with the overwhelming, daunting and threatening DW London atmosphere.  We also know we haven’t got a dog in hells chance of winning, just like we didn’t against Citeh.  Every one told us ‘we’d get stuffed’.  So we are going for nothing more than a good good time, just as we always have.
HB-IM-36-02

“We beat Man Citeh with a Perchie goal”.

Ali, as usual, pre kick off will face east and pray.  Boyceeeee will show total confidence in his defensive friends and little confidence in his strikers and will decide to play as a striking full back.  Jordi will control the mid field like Brenda controls the ticket office, with those inch perfect passes of tickets across the counter.  In defence Ivan will be linking up his Kylie Minogue like class act with deft passes to McCarthur’s gazelle like weaving and blistering runs; Callum will just dance, he will ‘Strictly Dance’.  Sir Ben will be there and may even take the penalty.  As you can see we don’t yet have a full team, but I am sworn to secrecy from reliable insider knowledge not to divulge what the others will be up to.  All I can say is that it will be remarkable.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNJcd1pTaL0    (click for youtube .. I haven’t a clue how to put it in here yet.  Same with the next one).

Arsenal will dodge; duck, dive and Carloza will fall over in the penalty area in an attempt to get one.  Arsene will flap his arms with greater vigour than that of a swan trying to take off, his droopy anguished mouth will need the support of a scaffolding tower and the furrows in his forehead will be deep enough to plant potatoes.  The ref may or may not send the right person off as McClean hurdles through a crowded defence to slot in a certain goal and is tripped.  Oh, I forgot we’re Wigan.  No one will be sent off and the goal will be disallowed.  And if it looks like we may win there will be 4 minutes (standard) extra time added, as always.  Arsne will be frustrated by “unconverted across goal balls”, a “poorer attitude” than Maria Millers’ towards her MPs expenses scandal and as “little personality” from his team as Andy Murray on an animated day, despite being ‘personality of the year’.  (All quotes from Arsne’s post match interview after the Everton drubbing).

untitleduntitled2

Benet will be on hand to clarify any refereeing ‘incidents’ and Les Bradds Lad will be trying to tame Boyceeunderated, but with little chance!!

The rest of us fans will, as is normal, be on the edge of our seats, biting our finger nails and holding on tight to avoid those frequent moments of near incontinence created by Wigan’s desire to entertain and be seen to be exciting.  We will all have followed our pre match superstitions and routines.  I have found that watching football can bring on dehydration so I shall be visiting Bree Louise for some stunning beer.  Black Pearl will be the first, in honour of Boyceeee.  The Naked Lady is very flowery and hoppy or should that be happy.  Barnett’s ‘Black Force One’ will ensure that what has to happen in defence – happens. For the celebrations of Jordi’s goal  I’m having a ‘Jubalale’.  Because we are, I’ll buy everyone a pint of ‘Hoptomistic’, and then I will be helped to the curry house around the corner and the rest, as they say ‘is history’.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=80EoQarNn6UmqdefaultCOPC74RL“OMG, OMG, OMG!!!!!”.  We can do it again!!

Oh, my dad’s car.  I’d almost forgotten.  He said to me …. ‘I’ve got a personalised number plate’, which of course I didn’t believe because he’s not so pretentious, not that those that have them are pretentious.  “It’s easy to remember for a 93 year old, look SCO8 WFV”.  I pondered, just as I am sure you and Inspector Koo are doing.

“It’s obvious: SCorer 08 Wigan For Victory”, he said.  He even knew that Sir Ben is number 08!

photo 3

And that is the almost total and absolute truth, especially the last paragraph.

**************************

If any one thinks it would be wonderful if the Palestinians could have as much fun as we are lucky enough to have, then please consider signing the attached petition.

https://secure.avaaz.org/en/petition/UEFA_FIFA_The_FA_Helen_Grant_Minister_for_Sport_ad_Tourism_Stop_Israel_taking_part_in_UEFA_2016_football_competition/