You Can’t Trust a Midwife. Match report – Nottingham Forest v Wigan

You Can’t Trust a Midwife ……..

My friend, a midwife, and we all know ‘You Can Trust a Midwife’, is going to sue the NHS. She has done astonishingly well at predicting 3 of Wigan’s wins this season although she did flounder a bit with Brighton and Cardiff. She predicted Nottingham Forest would win 2 -1.

From ‘HeWhoWasn’tThere’ Saturdays game at Nottingham was as good as you’ll see Wigan play, unless you chose to recall a certain insignificant day in May 2013. 11th I think it was.

I had to work, saving lives and I didn’t save any so it was all a waste of time and I should’ve gone.

ST 123g4d567 texted me to say I ‘missed nothing, didn’t see much ‘cos the sun was in my eyes most of the game’. Sounds dreadful, but I still wish I’d gone.

Orrellatic couldn’t go and at 3 -1 I was asked ‘How dare we not go’. Wigan is doing a lot of winning when I don’t go, so I’m taking the credit for this win. Blame me!

OldManFullBackBoyceeeeee who likes to lurk in the wrong penalty box just loves to score; so he did. That gave him plenty of time to lope like a lolloping giraffe back to his own penalty box, which he managed just before the restart. FGF+.

Since Ella was born McCarthur has got his mind back on the job in hand and found out how nice it is to be in the right place at the right time to pick up a well placed deflection and to get that feel good factor (FGF++) to score again, so he did, with a thumper.

The WAG has decided it is time to make his name at Wigan and is making sure he is always included on the team coach, except this WAG is scoring in the right places and we’re getting the FGF(+++). No shopping for heals for this WAG.

Meanwhile Alan Pardew decided to celebrate another goal by head butting 1 of the opponents. My oh my there are some strange people about. Any fan that would have butted another fan – not even a player – would be banned from the ground for 3 years and charged with assault. Alan is fined a penny, after he says sorry. Funny ol’world innit?

But not Jordi, he decides 3 isn’t enough …..JordiScoresWhenHeWants failed with a humdinger from 30 metres early on; but he wanted to score, so he tried again and boyoboy did he score a cracker. Goal of the season from open play; more bend than Peyronie’s disease; top left corner from 30 yards and the ball travelling with swerve and dips, but sadly his positioning of the ball was 2.53 inches too far right, otherwise it would have been perfect. More training Uwe, please. All we are asking for is perfection, not a big ask. (FGF++++). The ball had more spin on it than my top.

As always the “fickle small group of Wigan fans, which has no substantial fan base” sang loud enough to silence the choirs of the Welsh valleys. Uwe came across to thank the 1000 or so followers and all I could do is feel sorry I wasn’t there but enjoy a glass of ‘Flying Rocket’ Real Ale, dedicated to Jordi, knowing my absence was the cause of the victory. FGF. Sorry folks, I’m going to Citeh!!

Why is the midwife suing the NHS? Because she has recently had radiotherapy and since then her predictions have floundered and she thinks the NHS has taken away her special powers!! Can we still ‘Trust a Midwife’? Blame the NHS. It’s getting blamed for most things these days, why not the midwife’s poor form as well?

I was constantly being reminded how good it was and I should have been there. Then they said the midwife was rubbish …….How harsh some friends can be, eh!??

But next time I’m listening to the ever wise words of WhorYa, putting my money on PSG (PSychic Grumps) and following the insider knowledge of Inspector Koo. JockLatic is beginning to sound as if he has a clue as well..

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